Should we stay or should we go?

A few days ago I sent a panic message to my fellow paper column writers saying “arghhhh – we have just ten days to make a “life-altering decision”; stay in Holland or return to France? I have no room in my brain to think of a subject for an article and no time to write it as we have family staying. HELP!”

I actually wanted to convince someone to pen the piece for me, if you are reading this, it means I failed! One of my colleagues* suggested that I should write about what we are going through……..

Beloved village

Our small French/English family arrived in Oegstgeest in September 2007. It was a very difficult decision to leave our beloved village in the hot and hilly, south-west corner of France. That’s why it was only ever considered “a two year international, cultural adventure”. Yet here we are, end of contract, four years later, stuck, unable to procrastinate any longer and totally incapable of making a decision. It’s a somewhat luxurious decision, but still one that has to be made.

Although many of the elements on our numerous pros and cons lists are general i.e. France v Holland (work, education, housing, healthcare, social, language, integration, etc) and therefore nothing to do with Oegstgeest specifically, I can’t help but feel that our pleasure in living in this charming town has significantly contributed to the success of our Dutch adventure and our semi-reluctance to leave? One of the reasons for choosing Oegstgeest initially was that it appeared to be a Dutch town used to having a scattering of expats and thus open-minded and friendly towards them but without going as far as losing its own cultural identity. The regular appearance of this monthly English-language article, which began shortly after our arrival, proved we were right!

Dutch culture

We didn’t expect to “integrate”, and know we never could, but we aimed to get basic notions of the language and to learn about and participate in Dutch culture (we have at least Sinterklaas down to a fine art!). Our kids became less French, less English but not particularly Dutch – I guess we would call them international? THEY don’t want to leave (but they do not realise that they live in a bubble…) As adults we miss that “sense of belonging” that comes with living in your own country (or one that through marriage and language ability, you feel comfortable in.)

Bruin cafe

We crave the countryside, the hills and the villages with “no” shops….but we would miss the cobbled towns, the public transport, the beach. We long to spend long evenings on the terrasse in T Shirts but would miss cycling in a light breeze on a hot summer’s day and the cosy bruin cafés in winter.

By the time you read this, our decision will have been made: we will be either be “re-integrating” normal French village life or making Holland our permanent “international home”…….

* Thank you Els Barkema Sala J